Saturday, July 26, 2008

Perfect vs Good

You may recall that this time last week I was due to meet a woman in the bar of a nice hotel. The deal was that we weren't going to say anything. No drink, no chit-chat, no getting to know one another. We were just going to look at each other briefly, then I was going to give her a blindfold, she was going to give me a roomkey. She was to go upstairs, get into whatever state of dress or undress she liked, put on the blindfold and I would come up a few minutes later. I know you've been losing sleep all week wondering how it turned out.

It was strangely unfulfilling. That's the short answer. It didn't go completely to plan, for a start. I wandered around the bar looking for her, trying not to look too much like a weirdo (and fairly conscious of the fact that I had a bag with me that had rope, cuffs, blindfold, toys, condoms, lube - everything I could think of except wet celery and eggbeaters). I didn't see her sitting down, then, as I retraced my steps, I spotted an attractive blonde woman standing at the bar grinning at me. I stopped, kissed her, we had a bit of a laugh. Then I gave her the blindfold, she gave me the room card and whispered the room number in my ear. She walked off to the elevators and I watched her from behind. Nice....

I gave her a few minutes and went up to her room. I did have a bit of a panic trying to remember the room number she'd whispered to me, and I wasn't 100% sure that in all the excitement I'd nailed it. I knew which floor it was on so I figured worst case I could just slide my card into every lock on the floor until I found the right door. Two problems here:

1) hotel security - and what about the bag full of ropes and cuffs?
2) it would have been a crushingly obvious metaphor

I found the room easily. I walked in. She was sitting on the edge of the bed. Wearing a sheer black negliee and stockings. Blindfolded. I got her to stand up and I played with her a little and kissed her. She started playing with my nipples. I told her not to. She kept doing it, so I asked her nicely to bend over and I helped her hands find the edge of the desk. I raised her negligee and spanked her. Not too hard. Played with her some more, spanked her again. We were talking all the time; I was using the low, calm voice I use in these situations. And then, I started losing interest.

I took off her blindfold, we kissed. We lay on the bed for half an hour or so, chatting. She was quite funny, and very attractive and married. And I was starting to panic.

You see, this situation should have been super-charged with unbearable erotic tension; it had all the right ingredients for me. But it just didn't feel quite right. Partly, I think, because I found it hard to get a really solid sense for what turned her on. Everything, it appeared. Top, bottom, domme, sub. Kink. Bondage. Leather. And she'd done it all. I like doing this sort of thing with people who've been imagining it for years but have not - until that moment - tried it; I love it when they lose themselves in the scene. She didn't (although that did happen a bit later on, which cheered me up a bit).

We played a bit more, and then we lay in bed again, talking for an hour or so, cuddling, drifting off to sleep. Then another play, then more lying together talking.

I have a strong homing instinct; I sleep much better if I'm by myself and I hate being tired the next day. I figured she wanted me to sleep there, but I also figured that as we were unlikely to see each other again I had nothing to lose. I told her I had to go home to sleep. I got out of bed, got dressed.. she was very quiet. I kissed her and left.

I walked home feeling strangely disconsolate. What had happened? It was a great setup. She was funny, hot and up for just about anything, and she liked me. Was there something wrong with me? This was as close to a perfect scenario as I could imagine, but I was left cold by it. Was I spending too much time chasing the perfect sexual encounter? (The perfect is the enemy of the good, that sort of thing.) What was wrong with the playmates I already had? Should I find another hobby?

I woke up the next morning, still tired and vaguely unsettled. For the first time ever I didn't even send a nice thank-you email or text. I felt bad about that too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I really appreciate your honesty... Great post!