The Runaround.

About a month ago I stumbled on a profile on a BDSM-ish site, from a young woman who sounded interesting. So I sent her this...

Nice profile. You like the idea of being blindfolded and having your pussy and ass probed and explored by one or more imaginative older men? Objects, food..?

I like all this, and more. Happy to chat.. also to meet up. Otherwise, I'm pretty normal. Mid40s, [location]. Interested?

I sent this off into the ether, figuring there's about a 15% chance of getting a response. To my surprise and delight, within a couple of hours I got this:

Hi, I thought your profile interesting too. It seems we're in synch on a number of levels not least of which was the scenario you opened your email with. Bingo, that's one of my favourites. Blindfolded and restrained, stretched wide open for any of the older men to intefere with. I am genuinely curious, with a wild imagination and love erotic chat and dirty talk. These are tentative steps i'm taking and will need plenty of encouragement and guidance. I'm not for the impatient.

Great. She can spell, and she can write coherent sentences (I'd quibble about the 'h' in synch, but that's just me being picky). So I went back with this:

Nice to hear back, and nice to get a positive response. That general scenario is a real favorite and I'm pleased it struck a chord.

The good news if that I'm not impatient, and so long as I feel like we have similar-ish ideas I'm very happy to chat or talk for as long as is takes for us both to get comfortable with each other. (More so you with me, given the situation..)

I love the idea of guiding, teaching, persuading someone like you to realise their fantasies. It can be a lot of fun.

Any other things in particular you like? I did a thing not long ago, a woman I'd chatted with and spoken to on the phone for a few weeks. She was comfortable with me. She was staying in a hotel here in [ ] (visiting). I met her in the bar of her hotel. We didn't speak, just looked at each other. Then I handed her a blindfold, she gave me a key to her room. She went upstairs, put on the blindfold.. I followed a few minutes later.

I love that sort of setup

It's very hard to know what to write. I don't want to seem too pushy, but then again, I do want to advance the agenda a bit. And given the nature of the site, there's not much point sending a nice message about the weather or politics. She came back with:

Another gem... the hotel scenaio, not a word said, it struck a chord that caught in my throat before it shot to my crotch. I'm turned on and terrified in equal propotions, and I like the way that sit's. A favourite fantasy of mine is Dr/Patient. After some mild sedation, I'm restrained, inspected, and tested on.

Bullseye! (Apart from sit's) She responded to the hotel thing, and she's mentioned a real favorite of mine. The Doctor is IN! As keen readers will know, I have done this a bit lately. Here, here and here. Bizarrely enough, if you google doctor/patient sex roleplay you end up on this blog. I sent her my email address (msn too) and this:

I did a doctor/patient thing recently, with someone from [this site]. A respectable married woman (which I loved!). She came to my place one lunchtime, she made sure she called me 'doctor' the while time. I examined her, undressed her, examined her more.. very thoroughly. Took some pictures. I suggested to her that it would be even more fun (and more thorough) if there was another doctor with me as well. She LOVED that idea.. How are you doing? Fancy chatting? I'm very curious to talk to you, it sounds as though we have similar ideas

Then this:

Hi, I like the sound of one of those appointments. Though,I seem to have gone all coy. Quite uncharacteristic. We should chat soon, I think we ARE on a similar wavelength...

Where did coy come from? She's sent me a couple of pictures of her pussy (or, quite possibly someone else's), she's described in a bit of detail some fairly interesting fantasies. All we're doing is exchanging emails every couple of days. That's fine, maybe she want to slow things down (but why? either you want to do it or you don't, surely. See Rule #3).

But I appreciate she probably wants to do this slowly, she's waging some inner battle. The good angel on one shoulder telling her not to, the bad angel on the other telling to meet the weird middle-aged pervert who seems to know which buttons to push. I do notice that she logs into this website just about every day, so it's not like she's completely lost interest.

What troubled me was that she says "We should chat soon". By this stage we'd been emailing for about 2 weeks. She had my contact details. My email, my msn, my phone number. She had pictures of me, and not my wedding tackle either, I mean my face. Given how interested she'd been in what I'd been emailing her ("...it struck a chord that caught in my throat before it shot to my crotch...") I would have expected some attempt to engage in actual conversation. Not phone, I can understand. But msn, or yahoo or something.

What can "We should chat soon" mean, apart from "I'm not going to chat now"? I left her for a couple of days, then messaged her again on the site, saying that she had all my contact details and that if she wanted to chat I was happy to as well.

And then... nothing. I couldn't help myself. After a few more days I messaged her again (which I know I shouldn't) and said something like "you've gone very quiet... still interested in chatting?", to which I predictably got no response. I tell myself to move on, to forget it, but then I found myself messaging her again a couple of days ago (about a month after our first emails) with "What happened? You said you were interested in chatting, but I guess you're not", which sounds, I know, petulant and desperate.

Of course, it was never going to happen. At some level I realised this very early on. In my experience (and despite what you think, I really don't do this very much) people who want to establish contact usually do, and a useful rule of thumb is that if someone hasn't made a serious effort to contact or be contacted within two weeks - even if it's just a phone call - then the chances are it's never going to happen.

This happens quite often. I think it's rude. I would have settled for one of the following, just for closure:

1) I'm sorry, I'm just not ready for this right now

2) I've met someone

3) I'm actually a 50yo fat man and I've been getting off on these email exchanges

I suspect 3) is the right one here. But I'm not a woman, and while I think I have a much better idea of how women think than I used to, I maybe have completely misjudged this.