Animal

I met a nice young woman who has since her teens had fantasies about being a sex toy for a nice but perverted older man. Which would be me, of course. She's now around 30, so when I say 'young woman' it's all relative. I was chatting with her yesterday on msn and it was all going well (we have surprisingly similar ideas) and then she said to me:

if you were an animal, what sort of animal would you be?

This threw me for a while, as you can imagine. She told me that her last two lovers had been, respectively, a lion and a dragon. I asked her as politely as I could whether she'd pointed out to the second guy that a dragon isn't a real animal and she said it didn't really matter. She said she was an animist and that someone's choice of animal revealed a lot about their personality.

I bought a little time for myself by saying that I grew up on a farm and had had quite enough of animals - this perhaps explains why I'm happiest in densely-populated urban areas, and even here in Australia where there's about a hundred square miles per person I've chosen to live in the densest part of it.

Then I just decided to go with it, and said that a lion was a pretty good one. What with the male lion just lazing about looking grand, the lionesses doing all the work. All the male lion has to do is eat and have sex. I am, I reminded her, very lazy.

This seemed to work for a while. Then, half an hour later as I was walking into the city to meet my new friend Joe (about whom more later) I texted her saying that maybe a silverback gorilla was better for me. Lion, after all, isn't original. Also, a gorilla has opposable thumbs. That seemed to satisfy her.