Poly.

You may recall (I certainly do) that a couple of weeks ago a friend invited me to a party where I had some fun with four women. And yes, I know exactly how unlikely that sounds.

It was Amanda. We'd met on a fetish-themed site, and we'd gotten chatting. She had had fantasies for ages and was just dipping her toe in the water. We got on well, but she said she wouldn't play with me - despite the fact that our interests are very compatible - because she was looking for something a little more exclusive. Not just a bit of fun now and again, which is what I'm after. She wanted a committed relationship, within which she could then indulge her fetishes. Fair enough, I guess. (But what about Mr Right Now, I asked?)

She's since become quite involved with the local BDSM community, she goes to the munches and whatnot and has subsequently met quite a lot of fat red-haired women who have many cats. And thin, shifty men.

A few days ago I was chatting to her on msn. She told me about a recent BDSM munch thingy she'd been to.

she: I met someone who I cuddled and kissed for hours

me:whats he like

she: young, little out there, smart. he's poly. he has 2 or 3 girls

me:am i poly? or am i just a slut? what's the difference?

she:i'm not sure of the defintion hehe lol. i think poly has multiple relationships. that include emotional attachments

Now, I guess this is progress of a sort. She had originally said she wouldn't play with me because I was 'poly'. But now, she will play with men who say they're poly, but not with men like me who just sleep around. I must remember this. But I felt surprisingly troubled by this exchange. Leaving aside for a moment my suspicion that she's being sold a pup by this glib young man, I'm just a little uncomfortable with the notion that I'm just (at least in her eyes) going about this very mechanically. There's a clear implication that I don't have any emotional attachment to the women I'm having sex with. It's just organ-grinding.

I was curious though. I told her about Sarah, as a not atypical example. We see each other not quite once a week. We know the names of each others' kids. We've spend a weekend together at the beach. We spend more time talking than fucking. We eat together. I ran this by Amanda and her verdict was that even if I did qualify as poly (which she doubted), Sarah's definitely a slut. Because she's married.