More cops

While I'm on the subject of cops, Tony invited me to his BBQ next week. So what's the big deal, I hear you ask. Who's Tony, and what's so special about his BBQ?

Every year thousands of gay men descend on my city for the Mardi Gras season, there's a big parade and lots of parties and whatnot. It's the weekend after next and you can feel it in the air already, all the inner-city gyms are packed, there are lots of well-built handsome well-dressed men with foreign accents wandering around my neighborhood (which you eventually get sick of, as they all look a bit the same - give me a suburban dad any time). I don't go to the parade or the parties as I'm usually out of town, as I will be this year.

But on the Thursday before the parade, in the evening, my friend Tony has a BBQ. Tony's a cop and he's part of some international network of gay cops and firefighters and his annual BBQ is a big get-together for all the gay cops and firemen who've come from Canada and the US (mostly). I'll be one of the very few who's not a cop or a fireman.

I like this for a couple of reasons: for a start, it's such a great setup, I'm there with a beer, standing out on the deck at the back of Tony's house, chatting (and yes, flirting) with Canadian firefighters, and later on if it's a warm night guys get naked and get in the pool. But also, I'm just delighted to get an invite to this gathering. It means I'm nice and butch still.

When I was involved with Sam (the one time in my life I was in a same-sex relationship, and it occurs to me that I probably should write something sometime about it) he and I used to monitor each other for signs that we were becoming florists. Over-use of the word 'fabulous', too many hand gestures, that sort of thing.

The other thing about Tony is that he's the first man I ever fell for and it surprised me. We met just over three years ago when I first moved back from the UK. We started chatting on a gay cruising site, we spoke on the phone and he invited me to his place for dinner. He'd just turned 50 and he has a very handsome, open masculine face and a very calm manner. We had dinner sitting out on the deck and I remember feeling very relaxed, as though we'd created a bubble around us and I didn't have to worry about anything else.. my job, my situation with my wife, the works. Long dinner, lots of talking.. then a swim and then he fucked me. Perhaps because i was so relaxed and happy and I liked him a lot anyway the sex was incredible. We talked some more and then I went home and the next morning when I woke up I had the strangest feeling, I realised I had a bit of a crush on him and wanted to see him again, straight away.

I was used to having sex with men, I was even becoming used to the idea of forming quite close friendships with men I'd met for sex (as I realised later, that was the biggest part of why I did it so much) but I'd never expected to fall for someone. And it surprised me.